Not sure who the father is? Do a paternity test!

Not sure who the father is? Do a paternity test!

Not sure who the father is? Do a paternity test!

It could happen that you have had two relationships or flings at the same time or right after each other. Now you are pregnant and you are not sure who the father is. What will you do?

Be honest

Just make sure you are being honest with both men. They deserve to know the truth. You are not only doing that for them. It will cause too much stress for you and the baby if you keep things for yourself. So just be brave and come clean to both of them. The sooner you do that, the better it will be for everyone and then you can all move on.

Paternity test

You could ask both men if they want to take a paternity test. There are several ways to do that. You could do a prenatal paternity test – which is a dna test while pregnant, or you could do a home dna test or a legal paternity test. For the latter, the process will have to be witnessed. You could use these results in court, in case of a fight over custody. This will also be used for immigration purposes or in case of adoption. Discuss all options with both alleged fathers. It could happen they do not want to participate. In that case there are different options to choose from. You could do it behind their back, which is not a very nice way, or you could ask them to do that for them and let them decide whether or not – and when – they are ready to see the results.  

What to do next

Once the result has been sent to you and the possible fathers you will have to talk to each other. Will you stay together and raise the child together? Or will each of you go a separate way? Or maybe you are not ready to become a mom. In that case, you will have to decide what to do yourself. If you decide to keep your baby, then focus on that. Try to forgive yourself for everything that happened in the past and focus on what is in front of you. Start looking for ways to combine your job with the care of your baby. Maybe you can find a good daycare? Start preparing the baby room and prepare a birth bag in case you have to go to the hospital. Surround yourself with friends and family that can help you with the care of your child. You can do this.

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